Dealing With the Mean Girl...Is She Your Daughter?

October is Bullying Prevention Month. I am so pleased to introduce you to my Guest Blogger, Shannon Addison, who is a Public Speaker, Entrepreneur, and Mom.

Shannon helps parents navigate the challenges of guiding their daughters through "girlhood". You can reach her at: sgaddison@global.net. Here is her message:

As parents, we all want to believe our daughters are kind, respectful, and well-liked among their peers. But what if your child is the source of conflicts happening in her social circle?

When I talk to parents about the social struggles and conflicts their daughters face at school, there's always that one parent who confidently tells me, "My daughter isn't having those issues." But here's the reality: Just because your child doesn't talk about conflicts doesn't mean they aren't happening. In fact, one or two possibilities might be in play:

1. Your daughter could be facing these issues but is keeping them to herself, or
2. Your daughter might actually be the Mean Girl.

I know, it's a tough pill to swallow. Naturally, most parents are shocked by the second possibility. The thought that their child could be the one causing pain for others is often hard to accept. But, let me ask you: Have you ever wondered if your daughter might be the one stirring the pot in her group of friends? Would you even know the signs if she was?

If you look closely, there are clear signals that your child may be the more dominant or even manipulative force in her friendships. Maybe she's the one who controls who gets included, sets the rules, or escalates tension. But here's the big question: If you discover that your daughter is, in fact, the source of the conflict, what can you do about it?

In the book, "Little Girls Can Be Mean" by Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert, the authors outline four steps for parents to follow when dealing with their daughters and correcting adverse behavior in their friendships.

1. Observe: Listen to your daughter when she wants to talk about her friendships. Understand her role in these friendships and how she interacts with her friends. Notice any changes in behavior based on different social situations or other aspects of her life that might be influencing her.

2. Connect: It's crucial to build a strong connection with your daughter. Encourage her to come to you with both the small and big issues. Give equal attention to both.

3. Guide: Approach your daughter in a non-threatening way and create scenarios for her to practice handling assertiveness in her friendships. Teach her to recognize her mistakes, take responsibility for her behavior, and rectify the situation. Role-playing these scenarios can be helpful.

Support to Act: Bring the girls together to address their issues directly, with a parent present as an advocate. The parent should fully understand the situation and both perspectives. Encourage the girls to use the 3 Rs, Recognize, Take Responsibility and Rectify, as a framework for expressing their feelings and resolving the situation.

While it may not always be possible to repair the friendship, these steps can help your child navigate similar situations in the future.

As parents, we have the unique opportunity and the responsibility to guide our girls through these difficult social dynamics. It starts with being aware, asking the right questions, connecting, and teaching them empathy and accountability. It's not easy , but it's a conversation every parent should be having.

Are you ready to have that conversation with your daughter?