Developing Resilience

I recently had major surgery. Medical professionals, family and friends couldn't believe how quickly I resumed my "normal" lifestyle. They kept saying that I was RESILIENT and had the strength to overcome the obstacles associated with the surgery.

That didn't just happen. I realized that my parents and many teachers instilled in me the ability to rebound after something difficult. They taught me to approach a frightening situation with optimism and not react but rather act in a thoughtful manner.

Adults tend to think that children's lives are carefree. But they have stressors like everyone else. Taking tests, getting ill, trying to fit in, and trying out for a team are examples. Resiliency is a learned skill and we can help our children and students acquire it. Here are 5 things we can do to help them become confident, resilient adults:

1. Don't solve every problem for your child. Let your child reach an understanding of what is the issue to solve and then brainstorm various approaches to solve it. After doing it together a few times, your child will be able to do it themselves. It's important that your child come up with the solution. You are merely a resource.

2. Don't fight your child's battles. Unless it's a dangerous situation, keep out of your child's little spats with friends. They usually resolve these issues themselves without adult interference.

3. Promote problem solving by asking your child questions to get at the heart of a stressful situation. It's so much easier to just solve it but don't do it! Take the time to have your child visualize why it's stressful and have him come up with possible solutions.

4. Model resiliency. When a stressful situation arises, show your child how you don't panic but assess the situation and determine the desired outcomes. Then reach the appropriate course of action to accomplish it.

5. Teach your child how to use the PODE Scale (February 11, 2021 BLOG) to put stressful situations in their proper perspective.

Resilient children and adults are problem solvers. They tend to approach situations in a positive way, assess their options and reach proper solutions. They have the confidence to calmly approach a stressful situation. They realize that they don't have to solve every problem alone; they can always ask for help.