Learning to Express Ourselves

My husband and I celebrated our 50th Wedding Anniversary this month! So many people have asked us how we were able to sustain a lasting marriage all these years. Time and again, we've responded with one simple word: RESPECT.

Mutual respect is honoring people for who they are and receiving the same from them. One of the biggest factors in any relationship is being able to communicate your thoughts and feelings in a way that is clear, non-threatening and respectful.

We can begin to teach our children positive communication skills at a young age. One of the activities in the "Don't Be That KID! At School Resource Guide" discusses the importance of being able to express yourself in order to solve problems and prevent disagreements. Using "I-Messages" allows us to talk about an issue rather than arguing about it. Here's how it works:

I feel (insert feeling word) when you (what caused the feeling) because (explain why). I would like you to (what you want to happen).

An example is: "I feel angry when you take my video game because it's my favorite thing to play with. I would like you to please ask to borrow it in the future."

Using "I-Messages" helps adult relationships as well. An example is: "I feel worried when you don't call that you will be late coming home from work because you usually arrive around the same time each day. I would like you to please call if you'll be an hour or more late."

It takes practice to learn to use "I-Messages". It's worth the time, however, because it will help your children and you personally learn healthy ways of dealing with feelings and expressing yourself in a productive manner.